21-22 sept 2009

it had been a long time that i din't take any rest for myself...

finally i could make 2 days 1 night trip to tempurung, sabah



i have someone to hold...

a beautiful beach which allows you to do surfing...
we don't have to travel to other places just only for surfing...
there is a nice place you can get in sabah...

here we go...a MUSHROOM... so CUTE!!!
just beside the seaside...*+_+*

a random pic...feel to love this...

i am not alone~

my parents come to my place to have a short vacation here...
i can feel home at least even though i can't return to my hometown...
i am not alone...yeah!!!

i am making a pack schedule to bring them around...
the time table might kill me cause i am a "night cat"...
i have to wake up very early and store enough energy to hang around for whole day...
however, i think i will enjoy my days...

rainy days~

cold day...nice breeze...fresh air...
look at the rain drops on the window...it makes me feel calm...
enjoy the dripping sound of the rain...it seems like they are whispering to me...



i should take a break and calm my mind...
there are too much worries in myself...
which path to choose? where to go? what to do?
everyday i am questioning myself...however, i still can't make up my mind...

silence~

it is a very silent night with just a light turns on...
i am just alone in a very small room facing to my display...
my mind is blank, can't think of anything deeper...
what make me to become like this?
i am questioning myself...


i realized that i need someone to talk to...i need to express myself
but...who will listen to me?
how do i tell? who do i tell? what should i tell?
it is a just a mess in my mind...

too silent...make me feel weak and lose my energy...........

heading to new path~

i am thinking to challenge myself to a new way...
i do not want to lose my dream as what i had planned before...
my current situation is too weak, too empty, without direction, without future...

i have to power up myself to go for a new path...
i hope i can have supports in different ways...
i know this is not an easy way to start and maybe i might end up with a mess...
give a try if not i will never know...
nothing that i can rely on now...stand alone and be strong...

torn....

i found a friend who i lost contact for a few years on my facebook
she was one of my bestie during my secondary school days
our relationship was torn by some circumtances
i think currently she lives happily in her new life
feel grateful that she can be the way she wanted

i was thinking to send a message through facebook but i didn't
i really feel like to forgive her but i stopped
should i??
i never think of to forgive her but time passes and we all grow up
in a way, we as a mature adult shouldn't think of kids agruement that had passed
i dreamt of her after i found her in facebook
i tried to approach to her in my dream and brought a present for her
we tried to talk but seem like we are strangers
eventhough we can recover the relationship but we can't laugh, can't share, can't talk like what we used to be...

there is a thorn in my heart...
it is so hard for me to step out...
i tried to pull it out...
maybe it is still not the time yet...or...
it will never happen?

no compromise~

i am tire to make compromise already...
today really make me feel like i want to run away...
is that i am less than a kitten in your heart????
maybe the way how you show your love is different...
but it is hard for me to take it if it repeats over and over...

tired...really tired...

i am not small~

sometime i feel like we do not have to think so difficult for live.
there is always a way out and a solution for a problem.
recently i keep on thinking about my life,
feel like i am so small, miserable, boring and cant enjoy at all.
however, i am having a very good life if i look at the contents of my life.
thanks God that i have someone who cares and loves me all the time.
i always compare myself to others when i feel down but still i feel i have more than enough.

supposed to be a special day~

today is 6th august 2009...3 years passed by already...
it is really quick...time really flies...
however, every year i dun have any good memorial for it...
1st year - some incident~
2nd year - time not allowed~
3rd year - stuck in a place
disappointed...empty...voiceless...

anyway, i will look forward for future years...

my dear frens~

feel good after did some favorite job:)

suddenly feel free to edit some photos which were taken a few months ago used to edit a lot of personal photos during my free time before it was quite boring after started my job...all the designs are for commercial use... finally got an idea and edited some of the photos feel good...wan to put more effort and get back the feelings



having fun to disturb a nice shot:)


browsing photos and got the mood for your shadow...

need a pause~

close the eyes and imagine that i am at the mountain area
nice breeze, clear scene, thin fog which make me feel great for everything
sometime i feel like i need a pause for my current life
to feel the silence and refresh myself
i need a power to keep me moving forward
now...i feel exhausted, thirst for love and care...
my past tense will be a very nice memorial for my life
i need a brave to be a today person
do not miss the past, do not fly to future
today's me is all blessed from my Father...

moving~

moving to a new house...
like the environment here~silent, peaceful, windy, nice sunlight...
everything new here...

it took me long time to clean the house and decorate the living...
however, the most important for me is my bedroom...with a wide space...
secondly, my kitchen where i can cook everyday and play around with the ingredients...

finally, i could decorate my living room...
displaying the souvenir which i bought from different places that i visited...

new life...new start...new mindset...
ganbatte!!!

past tense~

currently facing to my laptop...
thinking about the past tense in my life...
keep on questioning what i have done in these past ten years...
what was my favourite? what i was doing? who was around me?
it is really hard to dig out the memories...

grew up from teenager to a lady...
went through many experiences...
mixed up with terrible friends...
ignored parents advices...
but they never give up me...

thinking about my bestie Lina who went through these years together...
shared the same things, experienced the same route,
laughed and cried together...
feel gladful to have her with me all the time...

my life changed totally after moved into uni life...
a silent and slow environment make a person become different...
time to time went to the beach side of the uni and listened to the sound of wave...
watched the sunset with my besties in uni~

it made me became more mature...
think positively, try hard to be so called "good girl"
parents finally like the way what i am now...
i gave them too much worries...
finally i realized what i had done...

i restarted my life and made a reset button for it...
longing a better way will come to me...
put effort for my future...
luckily God is always with me...
He never gives up my and lead me to the brighter way...

think positively...

trying hard to think positively...
cheer up myself without doing any job...
hope k lay down at a silent atmosphere and think what is the next step for me...

how to cheer up myself???

lately it is so hard for me to smile cheerfully
wondering what is going on in my life
i wish to return to the past rather than having this uncertain life now
what is the disturbance in my mind
i lost my way, lost my mind, lost my interest

sometime i try not to think too much and try to think in positive way
however, at the end of the day still something disturb my mind
no one to talk to, on one to share of, no one will listen
stay alone and stay calm will be most helpful way for me

exhausted with the life i am having
no certain direction like what i have thought before
feel so tire and might dry up soon....

may~cursed

recently i am so blur...
i made many mistake and never be able to return...
i am too stubborn...
i lost something so important...
anyway i try hard to think positively...
i hope when time passes i will forget about the mistakes i made...

besties in kk~

It had been more than one and a half year that I din’t meet up with Lina after CNY2008. Both of us were busy with our own job and missed the timing to meet each other. She was busy in Cambodia while I was busy with my study and business in Sabah.

Finally, she arranged a trip to KK with Aileen and Aileen’s boyfriend for 4 days 3 nights. I was so excited to meet up with her and really wanted to kiss her. It was quite packed for their trip in these 4 days and I still have to operate my business.

I felt like there had been a long time for me that din’t meet up with any close friend and had fun together. It reminded me of the days when we were teenagers. We could enjoy our time and took many photos.

We went to Manukan Island which is the biggest island among five of the Tunku Abdul Rahman Islands. It was too hot on the day. We could only went for snorkeling about 10 minutes only.

These three ladies might melt into the sea:)

i am lost~

first time for me to feel that i lost the confidence of myself...
so hard for me to describe what is my feeling now...
feels like i lost many things...
i am lost...

my dear friend

There has been a long time that i din't meet up with my bestie who i met in Uni.
I was excited to see my friend.
However, we din't have much time to spend together because both of us are busy with our matters.
It seems like nothing has changed her eventhough we din't meet for such long time.
In a way, i feel like i grew up finally compare to 3 years ago.
I feel glad that i got my lovely husband who could change my life.
The things surrounded me has changed so much in these few years.

I can't wait for my bestie to come over in April.
There has been one year plus that we din't meet each other.
I think we have many things to chat about, share together....
Maybe three days are not enough....
I am longing for the days to come as soon as possible:)

nothing good happened~

There were nothing good happened in these few days.
Finally i realized what is going on.
There was someone that i really don't wish to see came to my place.
I felt like from the beginning something bad will happen.
My mood went up and down.
Everything seem like din't go well and felt so cursed.

Someone that never grow up in this two years whereas everybody around grew up mentally.
I hope he can see this blog and realize that how people hate him.
He never realize what he did was wrong and only because of jealousy.

I wish this time of matter will end as soon as possible and make a dot for it.
I started a new life but still tried to come and disturb.
It made me mentally unstable.
I dun like it.

bad days~

feel BAD...
feel CURSED...

NOTHING good happened...

i received a parcel from my mother last few days
i was so excited and couldn't wait to get it from post office
unfortunately, i found that custom in m'sia took my content of my parcel
it was stated the cosmetic is against the rules of health in m'sia
(kawalan dadah*some sort like that)
it made me really go mad
this is not the first time my mother sent me such thing
wat a country!!!!

place tat gave me memories~

*The Beach*
~ gives me silence ~
~ gives me memories ~
~ shares my sadness ~
~ shares my happiness ~

~ let me have new hope ~
~ make me think positively ~
~ calm down my mindset ~
~ give me nice breeze ~

say bye bye to babies rabbit...

sent off my babies...
left mum rabbit...
feel lonely...
wish my babies grow up happily with new master...

happy~go easy:)

my mood is so good recently...
not much thing to worry...
feel good everyday...

friends are coming over...
parents are coming over...

no worry no hurry...
think positively...live positively...
life will be in positive way...

i miss home *n*''

i miss my home... i really feel like i become homesick after i left my house for about 10 months.
this is the longest term that i m not at home.
i miss mum's cooking, nephew's crying, brothers' drinking time and papa's mcD.
i miss my friend-my best friend LINA. we dint meet each other for about 1 year already.


currently, i feel so upset and complicated with the things happened around me.
i always question myself; is it God arranged it for me to be like this???
no answer...

I MISS HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my baby rabbits

On 26th January 2009, 4 baby rabbits were born. It was first day of Chinese New Year so their zodiac is OX...haha:) 2 are brown colour, 1 white and 1 white with brown. The brown and white with brown are totally look like parents rabbit. We named them Shiro (white), Asoko (brown with white line), Chisai Coco (brown) and Chisai Mami (white with brown).

It took 10-14 days for the babies to open their eyes. Chisai Coco is the first baby who opened his eyes on the 11th day. It follows by Chisai Mami and Asoko whereas Shiro is the last baby who opened eyes on the 14th day. I thought that Shiro is the most silent and cute rabbit. But she is the most naughty and sleepless baby among all four babies.

Normally, baby rabbits can start eating the meal after 14 days. They follow the way how their mum eat and drink. Finally, they can take meal and drink water by themselves. There is no peace for mum rabbit. Chisai Coco always jump on mum rabbit body, climb up to her head or hide behind mum.

Currently, they are 3 weeks babies; they are really cute. I really dun hope they grow up too quickly. They are only cute at certain age only...

my birthday

I received a handmade birthday cake from a best friend. He is so sweet and loving. Even though i saw the whole process of baking cake but i still feel happy over it. We went to buy the cake mold, candle, cake box and cake pad together before my birthday.

On the day of my birthday, my friend baked my birthday cake using his new recipe. Unfortunately, it failed:( Honestly, i really cried over it cos i feel sad that there will be no cake on my birthday and cant put the cute candles on it. He baked second cake again so that dont disappoint me. He successfully baked a tasty and soft sponge cake for me. REALLY YUMMY!!!!

He decorated my birthday cake nicely and put the candles on it. This made me really happy rather than receiving an expensive gift. Really appreciate it...

2009

It has been a long time i dint update this blog. I had been very busy since my job started. It slows down a bit finally but shouldnt feel glad over this.

Time to time i m thinking what make a person changed his/her attitude. Is it environment? Is it people around?

I thought friends are easy to maintain and keep pure relationship. However, it is NOT such easy as what i thought. I just studied a lesson. THERE IS NO PURE RELATIONSHIP!!!